It's been a long time.

So I haven't been on here in almost 2 years...gasp. I guess myspace really sucked me in, and now there's facebook to waste my time on. But I really mis xanga cause you actually talk on this thing. You can express yourself instead of just adding and rejecting a million and one applications or spam friend request.

Well here I am again. Splendid.

It took me like an hour just to remember how to get into this account. So now I really should get some sleep as I have a HUGE midterm tomorrow morning which I need to spend all today studying for.

I will update soon... promise.

How I have missed you my xanga!

Well..... back from nationals and right back into life. I don't even feel like it's summer cause I've literally not hung out or done anything with anyone. (exluding last night when Abby spent the night) It's just so strange everything feels so different about where I'm at in life right now. All my relationships with the people I've known since I can't even remember when..... I just feel so disconnected from them, Not like it's anyone's fault or I'm angry about it but it's just weird to me that other people are friends with them and know more about them than I do. Not in a phsyco possesive way but it's just weird cause I have so much history with someone and I know so much about them, but I don't even really know them anymore. ... as if that even makes any sense....

I guess that's why I'm so excited to go to this Music Camp in Canada. Because I won't know anyone and no one will know me either. That means no pre-concieved notions about who I am.... I can be whoever I want to be... not like I'm become someone completely different... but it's like after your around the same people for so long you kind of adapt yourself to who they think you are.... I guess maybe not everyone but alot of times I feel like there is the image or whatever of who people think I am, or how my personality is, or what I think about different things, and they just assume they know and paste that onto me and it kinda just sticks there. Other people see that then and I guess that's why I feel a little misplaced now.

I take the blame for it, I shouldn't have let other people projections of me overshadow who I really am. Looking at it that way I guess I was or am just hiding behind those things because their safe and I'm comfortable not having to put myself out there. I feel kinda trapped here because it's so hard to come out from under all the illusions of what people think they know about me.... like you can't just walk out one day and be like hey this is the real me and be a completely different person. Or maybe you can and I just don't have the guts or the courage to do it....  I don't know.

So yeah but back to Canada, my goal when I get there is to completely go outside of my comfort zone and just be myself.. which is strange that being myself is outside of my comfort zone...yeah...ANYWAYS... something cool. We booked our flights today and WE'RE FIRST CLASS BABY! The only flights avaible were first class flying in a day early and leaving a day late. That means we stay in a hotel the first night, then the next day we take a bus to the ferry which takes us to the camp since it's on an island. On the way home were just spending the night in the airport because our flight leaves at like 6. But I love traveling sooo it's cool.

Well I have now officialy wasted alot of time on here typing so I'm gonna go. My cousins wedding is Saturday and rehearsel is tomorrow.... I'm playing the PIANO... YIKES. I hope I don't mess it up lol.

***Pictures of Camp Sunrise****

Yes, that would be the ocean with the mountains in the background!!!!!

Nationals is only 3 days away!! I'm seriously just like amazed still by God and how he gives us way more than we deserve. I have so much to do before we leave. You know how I hate laundery... talk about procrastinating.... I NEED TO WASH CLOTHES SO I CAN PACK THEM. Today I decided to do some poolside studying at my Grandma's and the wonderful sun decided to BURN me quite good. There is nothing I hate more than being burnt. What sucks even more is Brandy was out there the whole time with me and she's not even pink.... I hate her.... now I have to be miserable all by myself. I FEEL LIKE I'M ON FIRE.

GOOD NEWS!!! It's official (meaning the money has been sent) I'm going to Sunrise Music Camp in British Columbia, Canada, August 19th-26th. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am. First off me and Brandy get to fly there all by ourselves....saweet... I absolutely love traveling... 2nd off the programs they offer are amazing! I'm majoring in vocal performance (which includes theory and girls chorus) My two electives are Contemporary Vocal and then Garage Band (their description *Creating your own music compositions using the latest Digital Music Software. Compositions will be recorded, mixed and burned to CD's*) Then also every day there are bible studies or services and recreation time... lol. There's a sweet lake with the mountains right behind it...  Thirdly- there is a Worship Music Festival during the week and we get to perform. Then there is the closing final concert the last day of camp!!!! OH MY GOSH GOD IS SOOOO AWESOME!

Ok well now I need to go get some sleep so my brain can study for 8 hours tomorrow! Night everyone!

Well God is SO amazing. On every different side of life I find a reason to thank him for doing something amazing that I really don't deserve.

It's funny cause last summer I remember writing an entry about how we should completey trust God with out lives and our plans. Because no matter how impossible and hopeless a situation looks to be he knows what he's doing and he can change it when it seems beyond changing. Well last weekend I was pretty much having the biggest pity party of my life. We found out Thursday that we def.  wouldn't be going to nationals and I tried to not let it bother me. About Friday night I just really couldn't stop thinking about it... me and Brandy just looked at each other and started bawling...seriously it was pathetic.  I was literally obsessing over it every second of my life... I couldn't stop thinking about the stupid little things I love sooo much about nationals. Or how different the summer would be without. Or how I felt like I stupid little bible quizzer who couldn't do anything. And no one around here really understands anything about it. So us not making it wasn't a big deal to anyone... and it just made me feel like a loser really... because only at nationals do get that feeling like wow.. all the work and time studying really is worth it because your surrounded by hundreds of other people who put the same amount of time and devotion into it that you do. You don't feel so out of place. So anyways... we ended up having thi huge family discusion where my mom tried to find something good about us not going... well me and Brandy were just sobbing the whole time refusing to bug an inch over the fact our summer was eternally ruined. After hours of debating some how we ended up laughing and we thought of one thing we wanted to do... a summer music camp. We finally found an amazing one in British Columbia Canada. It's a christian camp and it only cost like $200. So anyways I really had to keep surrending the whole nationals thing to God. It still hurt but the music camp option seemed like a good reason why it wasn't God's will for us to go.

To conclude this whole long story thing. On Monday we got a call saying that a registred team dropped out!!!!! So guess what we get to go to nationals. Me and Brandy were jumping up and down screaming for who the heck knows how long. I mean seriously it was like life was given back to us. God is absolutely crazy and awesome.... So just like I said last summer I'll say it again... Never ever hold on to the things in your life you want, the plans you have.. no matter how much you think you deserve them. God has got SOOO much more in store for you. Bigger better things than you could dream of! Don't believe me? Well now not only am I going to nationals, I'm going to summer music camp in British Columbia too!! Which that is pretty much the coolest thing ever.... 

So tomorrow morning we are leaving for a small little nationals tournament in Pittsburg, which I why I should definetly be going to bed right now!! I'll talk more about the camp later.... but basically my summer is now CRAZY but that's the way I like it.

July- National Bible Quiz (8 days)

August: National FAF in Orlanda (10 days) and MUSIC CAMP in BC, CAN (9 days)

Life is perfect when you let go and let God control it!

Okay well it's definetly time for a new entry. Life lately has been so fast... it happens and then it's over and gone and I feel like I don't even get to experience it.  March, April and May literally passed me by. I can't believe it's summer time. I can't believe that school is out and people are graduating and will be gone soon. I'm not really sure what this summer holds for me but I'm looking forward to it. I want to make alot of changes in my life, that's one thing I know for sure. I feel lately like I've been growing up alot... it's weird and I can't really explain it. The older I get the more I appericaite and love my family... not just my immediate family but the whole idea of family as a whole. Like family get togethers and holidays and the stuff people get sick of "having" to do and they take it forgranted. For some reason I'm just so grateful and excited to be able to know and expercience what hacing a family really is. Not only people who are actually related to me, but the people who are so close to you they really are your family. I've lost alot of close friendships these past couple years. I have a million casual friends who I love to hang out with and have fun with but there's only a few people I would call my best friend. My sister of course.... without her life would be so freakin boring, Amanda Keller I feel like I can always be myself around her and then of course the Conley family (and the new Durso family) They have been such a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE part of my life lately and I wouldn't trade their friendship and family for anything in the world. I almost wanna cry just thinking of how much they have blessed me and brought to my life these past months. Lindsey my sister and Jamil my new big brother... no matter where life takes me I know they'll always be there for me =)  Mrs. Conley who reminds me so much of my mom cause she's more like a friend I can laugh with and then Mr. Conley..... well there's really just not words to describe him lol... anyways this entry is pretty much really random and spontanios now.. don't know where all that came from but there you go.On a much lighter note.... tomorrow is Memorial Day and that means my Grandma's pool will be officialy OPEN! I'm so pumped to go swimming... it's been so nasty hot and humid these past 3 days I can't wait to jump into the cold water!!!! Ok well I'm gonna go help my mom make dinner. So until whenever hope you all have a great start to your summer!